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It's a mystery how granddaddies survive

By Larry Clark | Hickory Daily Record

Published: October 3, 2009

It is a mystery how granddaddy longlegs can survive.

They don't spin webs, they are not venomous, they're born looking old and they run around on spindly legs that look like they belong to the poppa alien in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."

Sometimes, it's hard to tell if they're coming or going.

They look like hairy pimples.

But granddaddies are all over the place. They can climb up walls, squeeze into tiny holes or cracks, and shed a leg or two if need be.

We have several on our porch that have six or seven legs.

One is my fault.

I don't sqush granddaddies. I usually sweep them off the porch or grab them by a leg and unceremoniously give them the heave-ho.

They're so light, they don't get hurt when they land in the herbs or on a bush.

They simply wander off.

One long-legged intruder spied me reaching for him and took shelter behind a porch light.

I grabbed anyway, but instead of securing him for launch, I came away with a leg.

They're like stiff hairs.

It didn't seem to bother him much. I don't know if granddaddies feel pain, but when he emerged from behind the light, he wasn't limping and he could still scale the wall.

The broom got him, though, and he was whisked away into the azaleas.

Granddaddies are arachnids since they have eight legs, but they're not spiders. Spiders belong to Araneae, and granddaddies are Phalangium opilio.

I know the reasoning behind binomial nomenclature, but that doesn't mean I know what the words mean or even how to pronounce them.

I can't tell if a longlegs is male or female, but I have never tried to make a gender determination. I won't get that close.

I don't want hairy pimples walking on me.

I've seen them pair off, but they all look alike.

In these parts, granddaddies are plentiful. I don't see how.

They don't pack toxic fangs. They are not fast. They aren't destructive. They don't have antennae, so they can't listen to the radio. They don't seem to have a plan like the spiders that spin webs and trap hapless critters all day and night.

Granddaddies just sort of hang around like a bunch of ne'er-do-wells.

They're called Harvesters in some areas of the country. I've never heard that around here.

They harvest aphids and other miniscule critters that are really slow. You can find grandaddies in the corn or potatoes, if you grow corn or potatoes.

Among vegetation, they are almost invisible. But they always seem to gather on the porch where they stand out like, well, hairy moles on somebody's nose.

I've never noticed any wall aphids on the porch, but maybe that's because of the granddaddies.

There are many seemingly defenseless creatures who survive alongside the strongest and meanest of Mother Nature's children.

Maybe, like Monarch butterflies, granddaddies taste bad.

Birds don't go for them and real spiders take little notice. Granddaddies must be fairly smart, because I've never seen one get caught in a spider web.

Except for the one I mistakenly hurled into a new web rigged by a fat brown and red attercop.

Old granddad was eaten. I guess by the time a spider saturates the unfortunate with venom, everything tastes the same.

In spite of their apparent weaknesses, granddaddies keep on multiplying. They've been around for eons, although I don't think anyone has discovered a granddaddy longlegs fossil.

They're not the kind of thing that preserves well, like a dinosaur or plastic bottle.

I've known people like them — no particular standout skills, no fuss or noise. But they always show up, and the job isn't complete without them.

They are quiet survivors and as long as they're around, all's well with nature and civilization. If they disappeared, something would be terribly wrong and out of balance.

When the meek inherit the Earth, there'll be a lot of granddaddies around.

Most of them will probably congregate on my porch and do what they do best. I've concluded they hang out so they can ogle the grandmommies and all those legs.

Larry Clark is a Record staff writer. Reach him at lclark@hickoryrecord.com.