It's official, the boss is a bozo

Note to self: Remember that this is the week the boss wants you to start writing a Friday morning column explaining why you're picking particular high school football teams to win.

Note to self II: Obviously, the boss …

-- Beyond his own picks hasn't been paying much attention to the Fearless Forecast. I am an all-time low 11-10 and even he has picked more correctly than I have.

That would not be so embarrassing if I wasn't trailing a guy whose first thought about football is about wearing Clemson Orange.

Ever notice how the tint of that color resembles the one on those goofy shoes that clowns wear? Just a thought.

-- Figures this is easy since he came down from the mountains of Hendersonville, where they do play some very good football. But he must actually think outpickin' Tim Southers is easy.

What he doesn't know is that Southers has a secret fool proof method that stinks.

Literally.

To figure out the winners, ole Timmy pulls off his shoes and does this count by numbers thing. He needs his toes out, ya know, to get past 10.

-- Isn't getting the same e-mails the rest of us are from frontrunner Paul "You Guys Are Losers"

Fogleman. Otherwise, he'd understand why I am in no mood to write anything humorous and primarily just wondering how bumpy Fogleman's ride back from Hibriten might be tonight after I get done with his tires.

OK, stop laughing. At least wait until you read my picks for this week (only games involving Unifour teams):

BANDYS at HIBRITEN: It's awful lonely out here on the limb.

I'm the only guy picking the Trojans to go to 8-0 all-time at Hibriten, but I'm just not sure my old buddy Chuck Cannon's team can shut down Bandys' passing game.

I first met Chuck when he was Hibriten's quarterback in the late 1970s … and he's since moved into the modern era well, but has to keep reminding me that nowadays we have this convenient thing called e-mail when you want a schedule.

ALEXANDER CENTRAL vs. HICKORY at L-R: How fired up do you think the Red Tornadoes are going to be after they may have read too many of their preseason press clippings before going to Statesville last week and losing by 15 points?

Just a bump in the road, my friends. There's too much talent on that roster for this not to be another season with nine or more victories.

I'm picking Hickory. But this is one, I think, the Red Tornadoes have to have. Being 0-2 and going next week to face Bandys – either fresh off a victory over Hibriten or reeling and needing a win to even sniff a Catawba Valley Athletic 2A-3A Conference title -- will be no leisurely stroll in the park.

MAIDEN at LINCOLNTON: Looking forward to hearing that wolf howl they have in the Lincolnton stadium. Sounds like the one at Carter-Finley Stadium, but the Wolves play better than the Wolfpack a lot of the time.

It's the first trip down U.S. 321 in a long time without Tom Brown as Maiden's boss. The Blue Devils face Lincolnton head coach Scott Cloninger, whose team won last year's state 2A title. He's an old baseball card buddy who used to have some sweet oldies.

Sorry, Scott. Maiden's pack has the Mickey Mantle this time.

NEWTON-CONOVER at EAST BURKE: Fogleman and Southers are picking Newton-Conover, but what do they know?

I'm going with East Burke and will be a bonehead if my theory isn't correct.

I figure since it took a passing game of 413 yards and six Tds for Southside, S.C., to beat East Burke by 11 last Friday, the Red Devils will have to pass to beat the Cavs.

Now, watch Dorian Jones go out and put up 200 rushing yards and the Red Devils complete two passes and win.

SOUTH CALDWELL at WEST CALDWELL: I worked in Lenoir in 1978, when this game could pretty much be called a war.

Let's call it a skirmish this time around, with someone getting the first victory of the year.

I think it will be South Caldwell. But hey, I'm the guy that thought the Spartans would beat Fred T. Foard (they lost 33-7).

PATTON at ANDREWS: All the other Forecasters say it's an Andrews victory.

It's only the second varsity game in Patton football history, but it's being played in the general
vicinity of where Record Managing Editor Todd Callaway (see note about boss above) used to live.

Callaway's moved to Hickory now, where seeing his Clemson Orange tractor in the parking lot is taking some getting used to, but he hasn't convinced me yet that mountain boys can beat a school that matches the name of a famous general.

THURSDAY'S GAMES: We picked them in Thursday morning's paper and I took Crest over Freedom and Fred T. Foard over West Lincoln?

Why? Well, it is Crest. And the Rebels' glory days over the Tigers as they built a 20-16-2 series lead was back in the 1970s when it was everyone's glory days in football against Foard.

Chris Hobbs has twice been a Fearless Forecaster, for nearly five years ending in 1982, and as the editor of HDR Sports since 1997. He's in his 33rd consecutive season of covering Unifour-area prep football. Reach him at chobbs@hickoryrecord.com.